Date: Wednesday, May 31, 2000 8:51 PM

1. "I filled out an application that said, 'In Case Of Emergency Notify _____'. I wrote 'Doctor'... What's my mother going to do?"
2. "I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... The study of milkmen."
3. "Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
4. "When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction."
5. "In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, 'Cut it out'."
6. "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate."
7. "If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you have the pen!"
8. "It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room temperature."
9. "I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar'."
10. "I went to a restaurant that serves 'Breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
11. "I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums."
12. "What's another word for Thesaurus?"
13. "After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?"
14. "When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep well?' I said, 'No, I made a few mistakes.'"
15. "I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
16. "There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air."
17. "I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping."