Christmas Cake Recipe

Recipe for the perfect Christmas Cake:

  Ingredients:

  1 cup of water
  1 cup of sugar
  4 large eggs
  2 cups of dried fruit
  1 teaspoon of baking soda
  1 teaspoon of salt
  1 cup of brown sugar
  Lemon juice
  Nuts
  Bottle of whisky

Check the whisky to check for quality.

Take a large bowl.  Check the whisky again.  To be sure it is the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.  Repeat.  Turn on the
electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.  Add 1
teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whisky is still okay.  Cry another tup.  Turn off the
mixer.  Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of
dried fruit.  Mix on the turner.  If the fried druit gets stuck in
the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity.  Next, sift 2 cups of
salt.  Or something.  Who cares?  Check the whisky.  Now sift the
lemon juice and strain your nuts.  Add 1 table.  Spoon.  Of sugar or
something.  Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven.  Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.  Don't forget to
beat off the turner.  Throw the bowl out of the window, check the
whisky again and go to bed.